Iterations: Clippy

Via Slashdot, a link to an article in IT World, Paul Roberts' Five ways the cool stuff at CES will ruin your life.

One particularly triggery-mention for old-timey folks who've ever owned a mobile phone sans smart is the role of Clippy, the infamous digital "assistant" that interrupted you at every possible turn when using a particular famous-brand office suite.

Jogging my memories of Clippy also brought back to mind a more recent experience: dealing with an appliance repair technician who--on that tragic day at least--acted like a human iteration of Clippy. In this case, the comparison is more because the supposed help was utterly useless, not necessarily disruptive. The discussion went something like this:

Me: Here's the broken washing machine.

Clipster: What's been happening?

Me: Well, it was starting to give me intermittent door-lock errors, but worked fine if you just opened and re-closed the door again, so I didn't worry about it. Now it's giving me this other error code, and won't run the cycle at all.

Clipster: Oh. (pause) Do you have the manual?

Me: Not where I can find it.

Clipster: Oh. (pause) What does that error code mean?

Me: Well, according to discussions I've read on the Internet, that error code on this model means there is a problem with the motor.

Clipster: Oh. (pause) Well, then the problem is with the motor.

Me: Yeah, that's what it said on the Internet.

Clipster: Right. (pause) Well, that's the problem, then.

Me: Soooooo ... what do we do to fix it?

Clipster: It would be too expensive to fix. You should just buy a new machine.

... and within five minutes, is charging me 60-some dollars and out the door. No repair possible, just a confirmation that I have decent search skills on the Internet. Assuming of course that what I found was correct--as far as I can ascertain, the Clipster didn't have any idea what the machine could/should/would do (whether operating correctly or not) and was relying entirely on my own verbal report.

Gosh, thank you so much. I had no idea that repair technician is now defined as "search engine result confirmologist." The Clipster came to check on my machine because I booked an appointment with the appliance company requesting technical expertise, expertise I don't have. Internet discussions helped me understand the range of possible problems--problems that the repair technician made no effort to assess further.

I know how to use a washing machine, not repair one. If I'd known how to repair one--or known that there was no point in calling for a technical expert--I could have purchased a new machine immediately, rather than waiting several days for the repair technician to show up and then having to source a new machine, then wait a few days more for delivery and installation because by that time, hey, it's holiday season and everyone has gone absolutely crazy with the big sales! Good luck getting expedited delivery now.

During the booking, I had to give the make and model of the machine, a description of the error codes involved and what I've tried to do to work around it. I think some of my frustration with the Clipster is due to unmet expectations: I expect the technical expert to come to an appointment with--at minimum--the information I've already given when booking the appointment, and I don't expect the technical expert to simply parrot back what I tell him, without any actual assessment involved beyond my own.

Buying a new washing machine was always a possibility--after all, I didn't really know how serious this particular problem might be, nor how feasible it would be to fix the problem, and in the interests of not randomly throwing out things that can easily be repaired, I chose to be responsible and call for expertise. The thing is, the appliance company already had 100% of the information needed to tell me to "buy a new one" before sending the repair technician on a call, and simply making me wait several days to do nothing but tell me not to bother made me 100% unlikely to purchase the replacement from them or any of their subsidiaries.

Clippy's unhelpfulness--in any iteration: digital, human, or other--isn't really the sort of feature that makes the user particularly happy or satisfied. Roberts' description of the impending wave of Clipster-style appliances, vehicles, and other devices showcased at CES is rightly shudder-inducing.